RON’S WISDOM SALON: A fictional advice column

Dear Ron,

My life is hell. My girlfriend loves her computers more than she loves me. She would rather be sitting in front of her screens –she has TWO in her office- than beside me, holding my hand. I feel like a digital widower.

D. W.

Dear Digital,

Has the world lost its mind? Have humans crossed the frontiers of sanity? These are rhetorical questions, but I must answer them nevertheless : Yes and Yes! Two screens! I can just see her head bobbing from one to the other like a loco chicken eyeing techno snacks, so that she can forget about her hombre for a while.  She sounds to me like a sadistic witch who is bent on transforming her love interest into a lonely, bitter man.

I don’t know what she does on her computer. If she is chatting, well, most of the weaker vessel do that, they were born to it, don’t you know? It comes with millions of years of nudnicking their hunting husbands about how tough the carcasses they have brought in are compared to their next-cave neighbours’ husbands’ meat trays.

Girls will be girls, after all. But If she is onto more nefarious activities, like searching out female porn websites, the heck with her. Put a stop to it! You don’t  want  her comparing equipment with the chunks we can peruse these days. Be a man! Wrestle her to the floor and show her what’s what. In any case, don’t let the b…..  flush you too far down the toilet. Get a hobby.

Get a life!