RON’S WISDOM SALON: A fictional advice column
I have a problem with my hoody. The cords always come uneven, which is driving me crazy. Any suggestions?
First of all, you shouldn’t be wearing a hoody. It puts too much weight on your neck, which drags energy from your brain and lowers I.Q. Plus when you are in a hood it is like being in a vault and nobody can see your ears, which may cause prejudice on the part of future employers and prevent you from ever finding a job to support yourself and your family. You are likely to wind up in poverty and destitution.
If you are willing to chance that outcome, I would advise you to stare straight ahead at all times, not allowing your eyes to fall on your uneven cord tags, convincing yourself, all the while, that they are hanging perfectly equal.
I hope this helped.