ME, ME, ME

After work I like to go right home and have a couple of stiff ones. Then I usually have a drink.

Nobody knows you when you’re down and out. Nobody knew me when I was” up” and” in” either.

I don’t think I would have minded being a knight during the Middle-Ages. It must have been fun  to have sex with all that armour on.

When I look at myself in the mirror I still see a sexy guy. Maybe I should go fuck myself.

I have a love/hate relationship with the mirror, but I always hate myself.

I am between a rock, a hard place and a harder rock.

I always tend to misquote myself.

Life is hell, but I wish I were immortal.

Sometimes I get to the end of my rope and I have to go out and get more rope.

Am I getting paranoid, or is my skin really following me?

Death is a good thing. If I didn’t know I was going to die, I would hang myself.

I went up to a girl on the street once and I said to her, “You never heard of me but you will soon.”  That’s when I got hit by a snowplough.

I really liked this girl. I told her once poetically, “I feel like a candle on fire for you.”  She blew me off.

I was having psychological problems and finding a girlfriend was not easy, I finally met a girl. She tried to help me with my problems. She said to me once, “ Don’t waste time hating yourself. There are lots of other people already doing that.”

I wasn’t the coolest kid in high school. I didn’t have the shiniest bike or the latest clothes. But I had my dignity. I would not ask the same girl for her phone number more than five times.

Nobody liked me at school. At the cafeteria at lunch I would go up to a group of kids and ask can I sit with you? And a kid would say,” What do you mean by sit?”

Girls. I always liked them but I didn’t have much luck. I just loved their long silky hair and pretty fingernails, especially when these were attached to their bodies.

People can be cruel. I told a girl once. “You are the light of my life. ”She said, “Well, I think it’s time you discovered sunshine.”

I have come to the point where I have been disappointed so many times with so many things that I expect to be disappointed, which makes it a disappointment when it doesn’t happen.

Believing in something is important. But I’ve been disillusioned so often. I used to believe in God. God let me down. I used to believe in people. People let me down . Now I believe in animals. I’m an Animal Rights guy. I joined the club. I only hope I don’t get disillusioned with them as well. Where could I go from here?  Take up a vegetable cause?

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