APHORISMS 1

We assume that the handicapped are nicer people than we are; it’s not true.

It seems that those who have the least want to have the most children.

We can only hope that those who succeed the human race do not resemble it.

People living in a democracy are probably happier than people living in a totalitarian state, but that is not saying much.

People sometimes pretend to know how animals think. It is more likely that they know how we think.

How do I know that I am telling the truth? You can’t tell me.

It is possible that everything I say is untrue (but I doubt it.)

What number comes after a zillion?

Agreeing with someone creates a strange brotherhood that both know will not last.

The wise are always essentially indifferent.

There are never any answers, but it is still our habit (and  duty) to ask the questions.

There is some force in nature, either in the person or against him, that does not want him to evolve.  It is  the genesis of the enemy.

Living is like carrying a hot potato that you don’t know where to drop.

Beauty (or the perception of it) does not last long, and that is one of its chief appeals.

We are particles that collide in moments, separate, and then go off on our own way.

Maybe objects feel superior to us but have no way of showing it.

Being on the right side of history” means to be on the side of democracy, as if democracies have always been right.

The greatest power you can have over somebody is not to need them.

You hold the gun; I ask you to use it because I know you won’t.

Guilt hurts oneself and helps other people.

Heaven would have to be a place with no thoughts.

Pleasure obeys The Law of Diminishing Returns.

The body is the first obstacle to liberation. The body rules, doesn’t it?

It is too easy to automatically adopt an ideology. It is like cheating on yourself.

Truly understanding somebody not only means walking in their shoes but also being them from the time of birth.

Happiness is a biochemical trance.

The only real accomplishment is changing human nature.

You don’t always admire what someone you admire admires.

The heart and the head are natural enemies.

Life is short if you know why you are alive.

The sad fact is that you can’t believe in anyone, not even in yourself.

There are so many diseases available in the world it is a small wonder that everyone is not always sick.

I don’t believe in anything; either I know it or I don’t know it.

For the family man there is engagement but burden; for the bachelor there is loneliness but the space to dream.

To see with different eyes. Everyone needs a new pair of eyes. Everyone.

What keeps us going is the curiosity about what is going to happen. The problem is that we already know what is going to happen.

The next world war should be waged by those who think everything is connected against those who believe all things are separate.

Can we be anyone in our dreams that we are not already? The answer is no.

The most despairing position to take is that it is all cast in stone.

What is the point of encouraging any country to establish democracy when we have seen what democracy is really all about?

Doing the right thing for the wrong reason is worse than doing the wrong thing for the right reason.

Logic suggests there is a reason for something. But what if the reason doesn’t make sense?

Being busy makes time pass more quickly and hastens the approach of your death.

The inmate in prison spends most of his time in a small space on his bed reading, getting up for his meals occasionally. That is exactly what I do.

Once you recognize the futility, you have to start describing it.

Survival is overrated; there are lots of things worse than death.

The only question you need to ask yourself is what you should be doing at any given moment.

The down side about accomplishing something is that you are then in the position of having to find what to accomplish next.

It is better to have too much to do than too little.

Why is unemployment so difficult?  Because it is an unnatural state.

Sometimes the worst torture is more easily endurable than the slightest annoyance.

Faith means that you believe something is true but you don’t really know. Why not just call that “ignorance”?

The educational system is a factory that manufactures idiots.

The only way you can hurt a masochist is to not hurt him.

The truth doesn’t matter. It has never mattered. It was always my truth that was all important.

Man is a defective machine that should be taken off the road.

There is a God and He is definitely the world’s best comic.

Why can’t we realize that we are all just poor, bewildered beasts in a cage?  Wouldn’t that help to bring us together in our zoo.

Families are tribes. They are an excuse to hate other tribes.

The trick to survival is getting used to your own stink.

Sleeping is the next best thing to being dead.

The unfortunates win in the end.

Laughter is a car crash, two irreconcilable ideas colliding.

No religious experience can compete with the first drink of the day.

In the end everything means nothing.

Sex and love can be opposites. Sometimes the best sex is with someone you hate.

Lust is dumb and it makes us even dumber.

What is the point of being able to think if you are not thinking about what counts?

Why don’t the overweight and the underfed exchange places for a month or two?

Don’t we create problems in order to have something to do?

The only real weapon we possess is laughter.

There is no me, really;  there is only my name.

Pleasure is The Grand Seductress.

The hardest part about being human is finding out what it means to be human.

Beware of anyone else telling you what is important.

Public service is our highest calling as human beings. It means being ready to help other people. It is a value that should be taught in schools. Quite the opposite is now the case

There must be a storage space somewhere in the universe that contains all the books that were never written, all the movies that were never made, all the jokes that were never told, all the songs that were never sung.

There is something beautiful about a smile. It is like an invitation into the centre of a flower .

The inmate in prison spends most of his time in a small space on his bed reading, getting up for his meals occasionally. That is exactly what I do

English has to be the most snobbish language in the world. Only the pronoun I is capitalized. I am superior to you and him and her and them, and even me.

It’s amazing how many people don’t want to see other people happy.

Never trust short people who have lots of testosterone.

Intelligence does not always include humour, but humour always includes intelligence.

Help is not a four-letter word.

Why do people talk of their souls? It is like a blind man describing a picture that is in front of him.

The ideal mental state would be to be able to remember everything you needed and forget everything you wanted.

English has to be the most snobbish language in the world. Only the pronoun I is capitalized. I am superior to you and him and her and them, and even me.

What is important in this life is to discover what is important.

The most rewarding activities are said to be ones in which you are helping others. That is because you are gaining the relief of not having to think about yourself.

There is no job that is held in lower esteem in our society than a poet’s.

“What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a poet.”

“Oh, yeah?  Can I scrape you off the floor

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